I can't sleep.
It has been a long time since I haven't been able to sleep for this reason.
1/27/10
1/24/10
1/17/10
God, I feel like a bitch.
Why is it that I always wish that just one person would tell that I am cute, or pretty, and then one guy tells me that I am adorable and beautiful but I dont get excited about it because he isn't the most attractive guy in the world.
No. Thats not even it. It isn't because he isn't model cute. Its because I am a shallow teenage girl who is only thinking about her feelings. Not anyone else's. The real reason is because he is over weight. And who am I to say anything about that? Or judge people on their weight? It's not right. Matt is one of the sweetest guys ever and I am judging him on his weight. And honestly? If I were to make a pros and cons list of his personality there wouldn't be any cons. But the pro's go on and on. I'm not going to lie, he has a perfect personality for me but I will never like him that way. Because of the way he looks.
And I am a bitch.
I guess I am just the type of person that I have always hated.
No. Thats not even it. It isn't because he isn't model cute. Its because I am a shallow teenage girl who is only thinking about her feelings. Not anyone else's. The real reason is because he is over weight. And who am I to say anything about that? Or judge people on their weight? It's not right. Matt is one of the sweetest guys ever and I am judging him on his weight. And honestly? If I were to make a pros and cons list of his personality there wouldn't be any cons. But the pro's go on and on. I'm not going to lie, he has a perfect personality for me but I will never like him that way. Because of the way he looks.
And I am a bitch.
I guess I am just the type of person that I have always hated.
1/16/10
1/15/10
1/12/10
My math teacher called me Baby.
AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS TONIGHT! :D
Okay, now that I'm done with that, I did a personality test today. It was sitting by the toilet while I was going pee, so I took it. While I was taking it I thought about a few things though. If you are old enough to take a personality test, aren't you old enough to know what your personality? Why do people even take them? Then I thought about how many people must lie to get the answers that they want. You aren't just lying to the test when you do that, you are lying to yourself too. Then I realized that this was one of the only tests that I didn't cheat on. I'm not sure if I like my results that much. I don't think they are right.
Emotional Stability: Average.
Introverted/Extroverted: Average.
Creativity: Creative.
The last one that I can't remember what it was called: Shy, and warm-hearted.
I'm average and shy. Cool. And if I am creative then why cant I draw, or paint, or write amazing stories? WHERE IS THIS CREATIVITY HIDING?! Are we playing hide and go seek? I was never good at that game so can we call a truce? Olly olly oxen free! I don't want to keep looking for you , so come out, come out where ever you are.
Stepping away from my creativity, there is a girl at my school named Karlee. I think I did something to make her angry. She is being the biggest bitch to me. Not even kidding. We were best friends from second to sixth grade. After that we just never got along except for a few times when we would agree on something. This year we were actually starting to be friends again but then these last few months she just started being rude to me. She doesn't even try to hide it. At all. But you know what? She is like trying to be best friends with MY best friends. Its like she is trying to replace me almost. Actually, not almost. She IS. She wont even smile when I am around. She will be laughing and I will say something to her and her face will just go blank. Today she was sitting with Hay, Ray and I and they were all playing a word game. I said something and she looks at me and goes "This isn't your game. Rachel said Karlee lets play a game, not Allison lets play a game." But Its alright for Hayley to play. Thats cool. And it's not even like I have ever said anything mean to her. I tried to stick up for myself today but I just stopped. I'm not even going to acknowledge her anymore. I'm done. If she isn't going to be nice to me I'm not going to be nice to her.
Good day.
Okay, now that I'm done with that, I did a personality test today. It was sitting by the toilet while I was going pee, so I took it. While I was taking it I thought about a few things though. If you are old enough to take a personality test, aren't you old enough to know what your personality? Why do people even take them? Then I thought about how many people must lie to get the answers that they want. You aren't just lying to the test when you do that, you are lying to yourself too. Then I realized that this was one of the only tests that I didn't cheat on. I'm not sure if I like my results that much. I don't think they are right.
Emotional Stability: Average.
Introverted/Extroverted: Average.
Creativity: Creative.
The last one that I can't remember what it was called: Shy, and warm-hearted.
I'm average and shy. Cool. And if I am creative then why cant I draw, or paint, or write amazing stories? WHERE IS THIS CREATIVITY HIDING?! Are we playing hide and go seek? I was never good at that game so can we call a truce? Olly olly oxen free! I don't want to keep looking for you , so come out, come out where ever you are.
Stepping away from my creativity, there is a girl at my school named Karlee. I think I did something to make her angry. She is being the biggest bitch to me. Not even kidding. We were best friends from second to sixth grade. After that we just never got along except for a few times when we would agree on something. This year we were actually starting to be friends again but then these last few months she just started being rude to me. She doesn't even try to hide it. At all. But you know what? She is like trying to be best friends with MY best friends. Its like she is trying to replace me almost. Actually, not almost. She IS. She wont even smile when I am around. She will be laughing and I will say something to her and her face will just go blank. Today she was sitting with Hay, Ray and I and they were all playing a word game. I said something and she looks at me and goes "This isn't your game. Rachel said Karlee lets play a game, not Allison lets play a game." But Its alright for Hayley to play. Thats cool. And it's not even like I have ever said anything mean to her. I tried to stick up for myself today but I just stopped. I'm not even going to acknowledge her anymore. I'm done. If she isn't going to be nice to me I'm not going to be nice to her.
Good day.
1/9/10
Today,
I saw a bunch of boys without shirts on, a man that had turrets, a very manly woman, a family of three sons, a mother, and a father(poor woman), and a VERY skinny boy. Teehee.
I really want...
To be able to sing well.
To be a cheerleader.
To cook well.
To know what looks good with what.
To know how to save money.
To know how to earn money.
To be able to run really really fast.
To be able to write words that change peoples lives.
To go to "The Happiest Place on Earth!" with Hayley Mae, because she has never been there.
To live in New York. Haven't you heard? That place will make you feel brand new.
To be able to do a cartwheel. I never have been able to.
To live at home again. The big white house on "B" street will always be my home.
To fall in mud. ;) <3
To learn to accept that some things aren't ever going to happen. Ehem, Sylvester, Ehem.
To live a little.
To get a letter from an anonymous writer.
To find a letter that I was never supposed to see.
To take more pictures then you can imagine.
To make more lists!
To tell you, reader, that I love you. :D
Today was a good day.
To be a cheerleader.
To cook well.
To know what looks good with what.
To know how to save money.
To know how to earn money.
To be able to run really really fast.
To be able to write words that change peoples lives.
To go to "The Happiest Place on Earth!" with Hayley Mae, because she has never been there.
To live in New York. Haven't you heard? That place will make you feel brand new.
To be able to do a cartwheel. I never have been able to.
To live at home again. The big white house on "B" street will always be my home.
To fall in mud. ;) <3
To learn to accept that some things aren't ever going to happen. Ehem, Sylvester, Ehem.
To live a little.
To get a letter from an anonymous writer.
To find a letter that I was never supposed to see.
To take more pictures then you can imagine.
To make more lists!
To tell you, reader, that I love you. :D
Today was a good day.
1/7/10
I feel horrible.
I shouldn't keep my blog from Hay. But I am.
I dont feel right about it. I'm just not ready to have another person that I know read it. I dont even think I was ready to show Ray. I didn't know it at the time but I just feel more candid when I dont think anyone is reading.
Sometimes I just wish I had kept on using the fake name. It was easier then having to hide it from people. It sucks. It really does suck keeping it from my best friend. I wish I was brave enough to show both of them. I think part of not showing her is because of the day I talked about reading her blog. I shouldn't have said that. I was just ranting. So Hayley, if you ever do read this, I'm sorry. I didn't even mean most of it.
<3 Al
I dont feel right about it. I'm just not ready to have another person that I know read it. I dont even think I was ready to show Ray. I didn't know it at the time but I just feel more candid when I dont think anyone is reading.
Sometimes I just wish I had kept on using the fake name. It was easier then having to hide it from people. It sucks. It really does suck keeping it from my best friend. I wish I was brave enough to show both of them. I think part of not showing her is because of the day I talked about reading her blog. I shouldn't have said that. I was just ranting. So Hayley, if you ever do read this, I'm sorry. I didn't even mean most of it.
<3 Al
Some day you will be loved; Death cab for cutie.
I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved
This song is kinda a creepy cute. Ya know? Well you have to listen to it to understand.
<3Al
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved
This song is kinda a creepy cute. Ya know? Well you have to listen to it to understand.
<3Al
Lately I have realized:
1)
That I have nothing interesting to say.
I usually just talk to hear myself speak.
Yeah, sometimes I say stuff that make people laugh but, no one would have missed out if I didn't say it.
I think thats why I spew off so many random facts. So people have something to think about for a second.
Because of me.
A lot of the time when I say something I feel like people are just looking at me like I am stupid.
2)
That I wish I was more ambitious.
I dont try hard enough for anything.
I dont even get very good grades. They are just average.
3)
That I am tired of looking the way I do.
I am going to lose weight the healthy way.
I will exercise and eat right.
I will drink water and not soda.
In fact, I think I will cut out soda completely.
I dont want to be the chubby, average girl who has nothing to say.
I'm sick of it.
So as of now, errr, a few days ago I am going to start trying harder and make goals that I will try hard to reach. I will start using the treadmill and eat right. I will do this.
That I have nothing interesting to say.
I usually just talk to hear myself speak.
Yeah, sometimes I say stuff that make people laugh but, no one would have missed out if I didn't say it.
I think thats why I spew off so many random facts. So people have something to think about for a second.
Because of me.
A lot of the time when I say something I feel like people are just looking at me like I am stupid.
2)
That I wish I was more ambitious.
I dont try hard enough for anything.
I dont even get very good grades. They are just average.
3)
That I am tired of looking the way I do.
I am going to lose weight the healthy way.
I will exercise and eat right.
I will drink water and not soda.
In fact, I think I will cut out soda completely.
I dont want to be the chubby, average girl who has nothing to say.
I'm sick of it.
So as of now, errr, a few days ago I am going to start trying harder and make goals that I will try hard to reach. I will start using the treadmill and eat right. I will do this.
1/2/10
NEW YEAR!
Good bye 2009 hello 2010! WOO!
I am a lousy blogger. I gotta say. I thought it would be easier to write in this then a journal but it is all the same.
I went to my friend Zachs house for a New year's party. It was a good time. :)
Alright. I am the lamest person ever and I have nothing to say.
Tata bloggers.
<3Al
I am a lousy blogger. I gotta say. I thought it would be easier to write in this then a journal but it is all the same.
I went to my friend Zachs house for a New year's party. It was a good time. :)
Alright. I am the lamest person ever and I have nothing to say.
Tata bloggers.
<3Al
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