Bye Sugar. I love you.

We had to put down my kitty today.
:'(





I'll miss you kitty.

It's really cold out.

So today, Rachel and I went to return a note we stolw from HIM!

Well, we were returning it to the girl who wrote it. We looked her address up online and planned to just drop it off in her mail box. Simple right? Yeah, no. Her and her entire family were sitting in her front room. Watching T.V. AND US!

So we waved and just kept on walking. We still have to find a way to get it in that mail box. Wish us luck.

<3 Al

I didn't get a laptop. Hayley did. Hello jealousy!

uggghhh.

The sun is shining.
It's Christmas Eve and the sun is shining.
BOOOOOOO!!!

I think I am in need of a Cindy Loo Hoo moment. Ehem.

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love




Yes Yes indeed. Pip pip. Cheerio. Merry Christmas my chumbly wumblies.

<3 Al

Dear Best friend,

It makes me happy that you and HIM are talking.



Very good news indeed.
Love you! :)

Its always awkward

Hanging out with someone that you never have before.

Keith just left my house. It was weird. We sat in the kitchen with my family. My family is south of normal. They are insane and messed up and awesome. Or at least I think so. He didn't really speak to anyone very much... Well, except Chaz. ;P

He has been asking me to hang out with him for the past few days but I always tell him I cant. It's not that I dont like Keith, he is a good friend. I just dont want to hang out with him alone.

There is one thing that is very disturbing about Keith. He likes Sydney. A lot. Ick.
D:



GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!!!!!!!!!

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




Merry Christmas everybody. :) (Miss Rachel)

Ohhh dear...

I feel like a horrible person.
I should let Hayley read my blog. I read hers all the time but she doesn't know. I dont think I will ever be able to show her my blog willingly. That sounds really awful but still...

I let Ray read it but i feel like thats different. She willingly let me read hers. Hayley hasn't. Ray has always been easier to tell things to. Maybe I just feel like she will keep it a secret. It's not that I dont think Hayley will, I just always kinda feel like she has enough things that she has to hide from everyone. It seems like she has so many secrets. When I first read her blog it was almost like I was reading one form a stranger. Its odd that I feel that way. I hate the feeling that I dont know my best friend as well as I thought I did. She keeps so much inside. It bothers me that she hides so many of her emotions. The day that her and Jesse broke up she was just blank. :/

God, now I feel even worse because I said that about Hay. I love Hay. I do. I just wish she would tell me more.

I never feel like Ray is hiding things. I can always get it out of her if she is.
When I was reading her blog it wasn't like reading a strangers thoughts. It was Rachel. Completely Rachel. Ray has never been able to hide her emotions well so maybe thats why her blog wasn't that much of a surprise to me.







Mannnn. I'm a bad person sometimes.

Good Day.

A few weeks ago I started talking to this guy that I have never met before. He is a total goofball. He sends me the most random texts too. Today he sent me one with a picture of a really pretty flower. The conversation went as follows....

Him: A flower (FLOWER PICTURE!) for the flower.
Me: What a lovely flower:)
Him: The flower does not do you justice.
Me: Well thank you.:) Do you even know what I look like?
Him: No. Nor do I need to. Beauty is much more then skin deep.


I like talking to him. He makes me feel good about myself.
Today was the first day he has ever said anything like that though. I think most people would tell me that it is a bad idea to talk to some one that I dont know anything about but whats the harm?
He hasn't asked me for a picture. I think that is what won me over.

Do you know what the sad thing is? I dont even know his real name. It is either Randy or Layne. But neither of those sound right to me.
He really is a sweetheart. For Christmas he is going to help at a care center. I think I melted a little when he told me that.


And my thought are all over the place. That always happens to me. When I write, I can never find a way to string my sentences together in a way that makes sense. :P


Oh well. Goodbye and goodnight. Even though it is only six thirty.

<3Al



P.S. I forgot to say I went shopping today!

I want it so bad.

God I want to fall in love so bad. 

I want him to put butterflies in my stomach. I want to get a tingly feeling whenever I hear him say my name. I want him to look at me like I am the bast thing in the world. I want to look at him like he put the stars in the sky. I want to giggle because thats what girls in love do. I want to hold a hand. I want to steal sweet kisses. I want to play and joke with him. I want him to call me at night just to say goodnight and that he loves me. I want to have someone to miss. I want to slow dance even when there is no music playing. I want to write cute notes that he will keep forever. I want to be pushed on the swings. I want to lay together and watch the stars. I want to have that one love that never goes away. 

I want to hearing my friends tell me "You dont understand!" whenever they are talking about breaking up with their boyfriends. 

I want to stop feeling sick whenever I see what they have and I dont. 

I want it all. But I am so terrified that I will never have it if I stay in this small sleepy town. 

I hate it here.

No Heart?

When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,

And yet I'm torn apart.

Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,

If I only had heart.

I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental

Regarding Love and Art.

I'd be friends with the sparrows ...

and the boys who shoots the arrows

If I only had a heart.

Picture me - a balcony. Above a voice sings low.

Wherefore art thou, Romeo? I hear a beat....

How sweet.

Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,

And really feel the part.

I could stay young and chipper

and I'd lock it with a zipper,

If I only had a heart.

I feel for you Tin Man.

Im nervous.

My stomach is hurting and my hands are shaking. 

I'm stressed. Im nervous. I am so done with school.

Tomorrow I have a three page paper due. That would be all fine and dandy but I haven't even started yet. It is now ten o'clock and I dont know a thing about chinese dynasties. So now I will be up all night trying to finish this paper, and then I will over sleep and I will miss my english test that I also have tomorrow. God. They cram so much work down our throats. Here is how my week has looked. 

Monday: Monday I woke up with a swollen throat and red blotches all over my skin. Allergic reaction to the new face mask I had used the night before. 

Tuesday: On Tuesday it is two hour late start and I had a chemistry test that I forgot to study for. Good bye chemistry grade! In english we had to work on an essay that I didn't know anything about, due to the fact that I was absent the day it was assigned. When I try to ask the teacher how to do it she tells me that I should have been listening the day before when she explained it. You know what made that worse? She has an indian accent and it is just unbelievably annoying. Then I had to go to the computer lab and take notes for a paper that I have a week to finish that is worth 400 points. The kicker? It can not be turned in late. 

Wednesday: Everything was going fine. Except for the fact that ten percent of my grade depended on the unit test I was due to take in French. After taking the test and getting the best score I ever have on a French test I was pretty proud of myself. But I am not aloud to get good grades in that class so the scrawny, sorry excuse for a man tells the class that it was just a practice test and the real one is the next day. 

Thurday: Today I had three tests. I had an English test, I had a math test, and I had that lovely French test. The French test was ten pages long. Then I have that world history paper due tomorrow and I dont know if I will be able to finish it. Kill me. 

This is of no importance to me any more.

What should I call him?

How about Alec Eiffel?

He is sweet, and thoughtful, and cute! He is so many things. But I cant have him. He lives in the next town over and is really close with my best friend. We shall call her Helena (The Misfits, not MCR). So Alec and Helena used to really like each other. Then Helena decided that she didn't like Alec anymore. Alec still liked Helena. They text all the time. ALL the time. They have this weird bond where they can tell each other everything. They both made blogs at the same time and they are only following each other. Helena and Alec don't know that I read their blogs daily. It makes me feel closer to both, knowing how they feel. 

So anyway! Recently I have started to pay more attention to Alec Eiffel then usual. We have only talked a few times but every time he has been very polite and sweet. He plays guitar and sings and writes music. How amazing is that? And he has these heart-stopping blue eyes. When you look into them, it is just so intense that it is hard to hold onto eye contact. I know that I will most likely never have anything more with him but hey, a girl can hope. And believe me, I am hoping. 

Dear Whoever,

Please look after my family. Please look after my friends. Please look after all of the people who need your help a little more then I do. I know that this is probably selfish of me to ask, but please give me someone to care about and be cared about in return. I really need it right now. You hear me make a wish on every 11:11. You see me hold my breath in every tunnel. You hear the crack of a wishbone and a whispered plea every time I eat turkey. I'm tired of being alone. It's getting a little old. So please, whoever you are, wherever you are, send me someone.

<3>

Dear Whoever,

Hello, how has your day been?

If your answer is good, congratulations. I hope it continues that was.

If your answer is bad, I hope you find something to smile about before you go to sleep.

My name is Eleanor Rigby. Well, not really, but I have had the song on my iPod for quite some time. Do you want to know a secret? I hate the song. I have always thought the name of the song was Lonely People. Not until today, when I was looking up a fake name to use in my shiny new blog, did I find out the song was actually called Eleanor Rigby. My hatred of the song is based on the fact that I don't like the tune. I love everything else about it but because of the tune I can hardly stand to listen to the first verse. Another secret? As much as I hate the tune, I am falling more and more in love with the name Eleanor Rigby with every second that passes. So in love with the name in fact, I may just name my first daughter after this song. 

Now, I do have other things to talk about that have nothing to do with with songs written by boys with bowl-cuts. I have a lot to say, as a matter of fact. As it happens, I am a teenage girl and that in and of itself gives me a load of things to talk about. From my hopeless obsession with books and music to what my crazy math teacher sis in class today. I find myself different then a lot of girls my age. I would rather explore an old library or bookstore than shop at the mall. I am almost so clumsy that it is an illness. I have a dream to live in New York City, and a passion for neapolitan ice cream. My life is chaos, and my thoughts are all over the place. 

I am just a clumsy, chaotic, book nerd who wants to be heard. 

(Rhymage!)

Actually, I changed my mind. My name is Allison. I dont care if you know. I shouldn't be afraid to say my own name in a blog for MY thoughts.